“My relationship was falling apart and I was terrified,” the mother of two writes


Jennifer Lopez
Michael Kovac/Getty Images for Variety

While Jennifer Lopez may have six-pack abs and a killer career, the super star’s life has hardly been as picture perfect as it may seem.

In her new memoir True Love, fans will see a more personal side of the 45-year-old singer as she candidly opens up about her failed relationships and reveals the moment she knew she had to divorce her third husband Marc Anthony.

Lopez shares how she suffered a panic attack during a photo shoot, which spurred the mother of two to pull the plug on her seven year marriage to the 46-year-old musician.

“As I sat there getting made up, my heart was beating out of my chest and I felt like I couldn’t breathe… I became consumed with anxiety,” the American Idol judge writes (as excerpted by People). “What was happening to me? I leaped from my chair and said to my dear manager Benny Medina, ‘Benny, something is happening! I feel like I’m going crazy.'”

Jennifer Lopez, Marc AnthonyEthan Miller/Getty Images

Lopez, who has previously admitted that she “doesn’t love being alone,” says that her panic attack finally forced her to reevaluate her relationship status.

‘It was one of those moments when you’re so scared you can’t even scream. In a blur of fear and panic, I looked at Benny and my mother and blurted out the words: ‘I don’t think I can be with Marc anymore.’ Then I burst into tears,” the stunning songstress recalls.

At the time, the parents of twins Max and Emme, who wed in June 2004, had just celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary, but while her life appeared wonderful to outsiders, the actress says she was fighting a deeper inner struggle.

“Anybody looking from the outside in would have thought my life was great,” she admits. “I had a husband and two beautiful children. I was on American Idol and my new single ”On The Floor” had gone to number one all over the world.”

Jennifer Lopez, Casper SmartRMBI SWIS/AKM-GSI

“What people didn’t know was that life really wasn’t that good,” she continues. “My relationship was falling apart and I was terrified.”

Lopez, who now amicably co-parents her two children with Anthony, also confessed that she has experienced abusive relationships in the past.

“I’ve never gotten a black eye or busted lip, but I have been in relationships where I felt abused one way or another: mentally, emotionally, verbally,” she shares. “I know what it feels like for your soul to be diminished by the way your loved one is treating you…”

Lopez and Anthony officially divorced in June, nearly three years after they first announced their split. “Every day that you don’t walk out that door, every day you accept things in your partner and in yourself, is a day that you’re saying it’s ok,” she says.

The fashion designer was previously married to chef Ojani Noa from 1997 to1998 and backup dancer Cris Judd from 2001 until 2003. She began dating dancer-choreographer Casper Smart barely one year after calling it quits with Anthony, although the pair recently split in June after about three and a half years of dating.